Why Good Men Are Hard To Find (How To Be That Guy) - D.J. Logory

What if comfort is the quiet force pulling young men off course? We sit down with coach and podcaster DJ Logory to unpack how convenience culture, low-friction choices, and screen-first social lives collide with the real demands of work, school, and relationships. DJ’s path—from a graphic injury to fitness, from a derailed internship to life-changing mentorship—shapes a practical system for turning drift into direction.

Across the conversation, DJ outlines his 13-week, habit-based program designed for late teens and early twenties: a personalized growth habit for career movement, plus three core habits—sleep, exercise, and reading—that rebuild discipline and attention. The details matter: short reading sessions that culminate in finishing The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy, weekly check-ins that keep momentum alive, and real-world intros that push curiosity into action. We also talk with care about parents—often moms—who provide so much comfort that forward motion stalls, and we explore how to reset environments so good choices come easier than bad ones.

The episode moves beyond tactics into identity and leadership. DJ shares the “weed pulling” method for naming friction without blame, the hard truth about likership versus leadership, and how vulnerability as a team captain unlocked deeper respect, not less. On his podcast, he hosts men who admit what they normally hide and women who clarify what guys often miss—emotional availability, real confidence, and the balance of hard and soft skills. That balance is DJ’s definition of a good man: decisive and disciplined when the moment demands, gentle and present when someone needs care.

If you’re a young man searching for traction, a parent hoping to help without smothering, or a leader ready to trade posture for progress, this one offers a clear path forward. Listen, share it with someone who needs it, then subscribe and leave a review to help more pe

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Chapters

• 0:00 Meet DJ Legori And Mission
• 1:33 Early Life, Injury, And Fitness Mindset
• 2:47 Lost After College And Mentorship
• 3:35 Building The Coaching Program
• 4:37 What’s Happening With Young Men
• 6:23 Inside The 13-Week Habit System
• 8:42 How Far The Program Goes
• 9:56 Networks, Intros, And Real-World Steps
• 12:17 Sports, Structure, And Honest Fit
• 14:08 Parents, Comfort, And Consequences
• 16:35 Tampa Community And Target Demographic
• 18:55 The Podcast’s Focus And Formats
• 21:26 Reading Wins And The Compound Effect
• 23:19 Publishing Cadence And Quality
• 24:51 Success As Progress
• 26:11 Mentorship, Feedback, And Growth
• 28:19 Hard Leadership Lesson: Weed Pulling
• 32:20 Realizing People Watch Your Life
• 34:22 Private Doubts And Purpose
• 36:28 From Likership To Leadership
• 38:24 What Makes A Good Man Today
• 40:20 Closing And Where To Find DJ

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:38

Welcome back to one-on-one with Mr. U. Of course. I'm your host, Mr. U in studio with us, my guide, the creator of Be That Guy, coaching program that helps young men build confidence, discipline, and direction. Also the host of the Be That Guy podcast that helps men find out how to be really good men today. So DJ Lagoria's in the house. DJ, what's up, brother? Good to see you, man. Happy New Year. Oh, happy new year, you thank you so much for the opportunity to be here today. I'm excited, man. Let's get rolling. Same here, man. Let's roll, brother. All right. So tell us a little bit about who DJ was, young DJ, how you got to be older DJ. What'd you learn? What'd you experience? How'd you get here, brother? Talk to us about it.

SPEAKER_01: 1:14

Well, I'm originally from Rochester, New York. So the uh the cold weather of uh of uh of the northeast, and uh I grew up 27 years there, had a had a great childhood, had a really great family and uh really great friends around me, loved playing football and basketball, and uh I was very big into fitness when I was younger. I I believe it was something that kind of it pushed me away from some mental challenges that I had when I was younger. I had actually um I had a really graphic injury to my left elbow, and it basically caused me to believe that I was weak. And so I thought that fitness was this huge thing that kind of pushed me away from that pain. So I fell in love with fitness and kind of building a strong body, and then eventually I realized that, hey, the body and the mind kind of go together. Let's build a strong mind too. And uh absolutely, you know, that was a really big important part of my life. And then as I went through high school and college, I fell in love with academics as well because I realized kind of the connections between the two. I thought it built me into a better human and a better man. And uh after college, I was struggling. I was struggling a lot with direction, with confidence. And I felt like over the course of my academic career, I had kind of built myself into somebody who I was proud of. I felt like I was a fairly confident, disciplined guy. And at the end of college, I had this really great internship. I ended up getting fired from the internship in a really weird way, and it kind of like totally destroyed my path. And I thought I was going on this path, and it basically completely dissolved it. And all those thoughts about me being a confident, disciplined leader were kind of like evaporated. And so I needed some a lot of help to kind of get back on a good path. And thankfully, I had a mentor of mine, his name is Scott Gibbs, he was an old basketball coach of mine, saw me in a weight room one day, asked me how I was doing, and you, I was as vulnerable as I had ever been. I said, I am doing horrible. I'm like, I could actually really use some help right now. I feel totally lost with life, wasn't sure where to go. And so he started coaching me uh for the next three years, and we met two to three times a week, and basically we kind of helped each other with our own challenges in our lives. And at the end of those three years, I said, Hey, let's build a business that helps other people do this. And so initially we co-founded this company called Acres of Diamonds, which works a lot with mental fitness and emotional intelligences. And as I started doing that, I had moms and parents say, Hey, can you work with my son? And so initially I was like, I'm not a counselor, I'm not a therapist. Here are the things that I believe in. I believe in confidence, I believe in exercise, going to bed on time, reading, staying disciplined and accountable to those things. We can work on those. And the parents were like, I'm good with that. And so I started doing that on a one-on-one basis. And then throughout my 20s, I built it into what we now call Be That Guy, which is like an official coaching program that we work guys through. It's a uh, it's technically a 13-week habit-based program where we help guys basically set habits, track habits, um, and we do them in small groups for the group accountability as well. So that's essentially who I am and what I do today. Yeah, well, I love it.

SPEAKER_00: 4:10

I want to get more into that. I want to jump on the uh coaching program part, then start talking to you about the podcast, but I had a question for you first. Okay. What do you think is going on in the world today with young men in your assessment? Which what do you think is going on with young men today?

SPEAKER_01: 4:24

I think there's a lot of comfort, and I think a lot of the comfort has been created by technology. Uh, my my business partner had a super simple uh statement. He said, Technology's goal is to literally make things easier, right? So I think a lot of young men have grown up with easy things, right? Great example, DoorDash, right? I can sit on my couch and have food just delivered right to my house, right? I don't have to do a thing, and I have a beautiful meal waiting for me, like literally 10 feet away from me, and I never had to say a word, right? So there was no human communication. Who needs social skills when I can just type, right, and be on an online community and never actually talk to people. And so I think the the biggest challenge right now is that we've our our younger generation, and and I'm so I'm 30 years old, so I like just kind of I think missed it a little bit. Like I've personally got social media when I was in my sophomore junior of college, so I didn't have social media in high school, which was huge. And so I think a lot of this younger generation has just been exposed to a lot of convenience, a lot of really easy things when it comes to technology and communication skills that aren't in person, right? If you think about dating today, right, a lot of people are swiping left and right, they're not actually getting out right into the world. So I think that's the biggest problem. Then I think when life hits them when it comes to getting a job, right? Going to college, exercise these harder things that require a little bit more effort. I don't think they're ready for it. I don't think they've been exposed to enough friction, and then it becomes overwhelming, and then they start to judge themselves, and then it becomes this pretty nasty cycle. There you go.

SPEAKER_00: 5:55

Okay, so with that perspective in mind, let's get into what you're doing with be that guy in the 13-week coaching program without going into specifics about specific your clients confidentiality important, of course. Share with us kind of a breakdown. How's it look from start to finish for somebody to come into your program? How's that look?

SPEAKER_01: 6:14

So a lot of the guys typically who come into our program are in their late teens, early 20s. So they have kind of just graduated high school. It's kind of like, what's next? Right? Is it entrepreneurship? Is it a trade school? Is it college? Is it taking a year off and doing a shadow of somebody in your community who's doing a job that you really like? And at that point, it was it was funny. Last week we had um our our one of our groups, they call themselves the compound effectors because they believe in doing the little things right over an extended period of time, right? So we have two names, team names for each of the each of the groups to provide some unity, and so it's pretty cool. And so one of the guys he said, you know, I just have to pick something and just start doing it. And I was like, that is such a profound statement because I think so many guys get to that point of the like the late teens, early 20s, and there's all these options, right? Because of social media, we've seen so many different paths that we can go down, and so I think then it comes to this almost this paralysis of like, I just have to pick something and I don't want to fail and mess up that choice. And so typically then I get the guys together and I say, all right, we need to pick something professionally to work on. What does that look like in your life? And that's where I allow the guys to kind of share with me their interests of, hey, maybe I want to do trade school, maybe I want to go to college, maybe I want to get a full-time job. And at that point, that becomes what we call their growth habit. And so we track four habits throughout those 13 weeks. And the one growth habit is a professional habit, essentially, that they start working towards on a week-to-week basis. The other three are reading, exercise, and sleep. Those are the core habits that every guy tracks. So the growth habit is unique to the guy, core habits are the same.

SPEAKER_00: 7:58

Okay, I think I understand. I may have only one more question about this. So I guess I'm trying to understand how far you actually go with people because it feels like you're kind of helping them figure their lives out, but it's like, okay, to what degree? I understand the reading, exercise, sleep portion of it. But when it comes to their habits, building professional habits, how far is your program taking people? Are you taking them up to the door and letting them do the rest? Or is there something like, you know, I'm giving you the tools to go up to the door so you can go ahead and kind of uh walk through it and make your own way? Is that a good question? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 8:31

Basically, and this is actually kind of helps me kind of think through it too. So I think this is a great question, right? What we basically do is we basically get them pointed in a direction. All right. So let's say, for example, uh a young man he graduates high school and he doesn't necessarily know if college is what he wants to do, and maybe he's interested in drafting or design architecture, something like that. So we'll have him set. So then I'll literally say, All right, what do you think you need to do right now to make progress with that goal? And they'll say, Well, I need to basically research what schools have drafting or what um courses are available. And we'll say, Okay, great. So your first growth commitment is to go do some research on what is actually available and next week you need to present to the group what is available and what your next step is going to be. So then their next step might be, hey, I found these three courses available in my community. Here's the price, here's when they are. And then we say, Great, are you interested in taking them? And they'll say, like, yes. It's like, great. You have to now sign up for that class, right? Before the next session, then present to us what time they are. So we essentially walk them through the whole thing. Now, obviously, we can't take the class for them, right? And and that's really one of the biggest challenges is I tell the guys we can outline as much as humanly possible. It at the end of the day, the great saying, I can't lift the weight for you, right? I can't eat the chicken versus the pizza, I can't wake up versus sleep in. Like you guys eventually have to make this decision for yourself. So we guide them throughout the whole thing, yet at the end of the day, they know they have to do this for themselves.

SPEAKER_00: 10:03

All right, I do have two more questions. I said one, but I got two more. All right, so in regards to the area that the people your clients are going into, do you have networks and partnerships with companies, individuals that can help them kind of uh get grab the baton from you, so to speak? Yeah, try to feel you know, sorry.

SPEAKER_01: 10:24

Yeah, so we have I have like a couple of uh basically opportunities for some of the guys if they're interested in going into like a certain route. So like I have like a couple friends who are like into sales, and then they're like, hey, if you ever have a guy who's really charismatic, good with people, would love to have him, and we could you know train him in our sales team, right? I have other guys who are in insurance and things like that. So I have some connections, I could say, where hey, if you've got a guy who's super charismatic and doesn't know what to do, get him on a sales team and just get him used to talking to people, right? Earn learn some some of those communication skills, right? And so that so, like for example, one of our last groups, uh, we had one guy who was interested in real estate, and then we had another guy who was interested in architecture. And so, and both of those guys didn't necessarily go to school for those things, but they just liked those things and they wanted to learn more about them. So I had two connections that were one was a licensed professional architect, and then the other one was very big into commercial real estate. And so their growth commitments for their first week were literally to have a meeting with those individuals for a half an hour or so and then report back what did you learn in that meeting? And so they're basically getting involved in the industry, learning the ins and outs, right, from a professional. So I use the the people that I've learned or kind of connected with over my years to say, hey, this guy's interested in this thing, go talk to this guy, right? I don't have all the answers, he probably has way more answers than I do about commercial real estate, right? So it's all about those connections too.

SPEAKER_00: 11:48

Okay, I got one more tough question in in this vein. Well, I think it's a tough question, it's probably easy for you with your background in athletics. You got somebody that's coming through, uh maybe you've met him already, maybe you haven't met him, maybe this could be prophetic for you, but they come into the your space and they want to go into sports. Are you are you gently encouraging them to do that, or are you trying to guide them to a more stable career?

SPEAKER_01: 12:18

It's a great question. I've actually so I haven't had any guys come in who are in sports, really, and this is where and and so this is the the distinction here. I think that so let's take a standard college guy, all right, who has a four-year college degree, and and you can use me as a great example. I played college football for four years. The thing about playing a sport in college was it actually gave me a lot of discipline, structure, and community. So those were things that I didn't necessarily really struggle with. So a lot of our work actually fits nicely into the guys who don't play sports because they don't necessarily have the discipline, the structure, and the community. And so I often will tell parents, let's say a parent wants their son to be a part of our group and he's playing hockey at a at a college. I'll say, listen, like, do we want to give him any more stuff to work on? I guarantee his schedule is already pretty dang thin, right? Like it might not be the best time to do it, even in the offseason. I know they'll have workouts and film and all of that stuff. So like their their schedules are already fairly, fairly thin. So I actually haven't had an experience to to answer that that question to you where if a guy did come in, how would I how would I essentially direct them? I think it would really I think it would really involve me asking a lot of questions to be like, how good are you actually at this sport? Like, do you really think that this is something that right how you have a future with? Of course, right? So right, I think there'd be a lot of honest conversations with that. No, that's that's all that's only fair.

SPEAKER_00: 13:54

I'm I'm trying to move off into the podcast realm. I'm really excited about talking about this past the more you talk, the more questions are perfect. Keep them going, I love it. Oh, we're going to the OT in this episode, but that's a guarantee already. I got a lot of questions for you. But in regards to the parents of the people who are coming in as clients for you, what are you learning about them? What are you seeing maybe as a trend? What do you hopefully not gonna be embarrassing them a lot when they're here? That's not my intention, but what are you seeing in the parents? Is there like a trend? Is it like a pattern you see with the parents that bring the kids in? What are they doing with the household? What do you see in there?

SPEAKER_01: 14:33

Yeah, so there's definitely a trend going on, and it's parents realizing they've created a lot of comfort for their sons, unfortunately. Right? Parents realizing, hey, we got him a car. We always make sure there's gas in it, we always make sure there's groceries in the cupboard, we always make sure that he has his video games in his room, right? We always make sure that his phone, right? And so, and the the thing is is that when I meet with these parents, like these are good parents, like, and typically it's it's moms, typically it's like 99% moms. I've literally I've met with I think one father over the last two years. And the the moms have great love for their sons, and they like I can genuinely feel like they're just like, I really just want him to do better, and I love him, and I and I don't necessarily know exactly what to do, yet I do know some of the mistakes I've made. And they're very honest with it, and they'll talk about the comfort and they'll talk about the environments that they've created to allow them to thrive, and the sons then haven't necessarily felt enough pain to change, and and so that is where the the friction starts because obviously the parent the mom loves her son and she wants to create comfort within his life, yet to some degree, if it's overbearing, then the son may never move, the son may never do anything, right? And so, and so I see a lot of this with young men when they graduate high school, and I think this is during a lot of the transition periods of their life. If they graduate high school and they're not sure what to do, they might just sit around at their parents' house and kind of wait to figure something out. Very similar to where if a guy graduates college, moves back at home, it's it's almost like the same thing, right? You're in this environment now where, hey, I grew up here. There's my my bedroom that I was like, know everything about, right? Like I know this house, like there's there's food in the cupboards, right? There's gas in the car, and it's this comfortability, and then they never actually do anything, and then they just kind of like sit there, and then you know, a month, a month goes by, three months, six months. Then the parents are like, dude, like you got to figure out something, like we got to do something here, and then that's when they're kind of like coming to me, like, we got to get on a path.

SPEAKER_00: 16:42

Okay, that makes sense. I think this is my last question about the coaching program. Keep them coming, I love it. In the geographical area we're at, I believe you're in Florida now. Uh I was down there for a little while, so I'm somewhat familiar. I was only there for about four years, so I'm I'm somewhat familiar with what's going on. What do you think the prospects are for your coaching practice and your your coaching program in that area? Are you seeing some reasons to have some hope that it's gonna grow? Are you seeing uh enough legs to you know give you that confidence? Or are you are you wondering about where what the future holds? How you feeling about it?

SPEAKER_01: 17:16

You know, that's a that's an interesting perspective because a lot of the guys that I've met here are in their, we'll say like kind of like in their 20s, essentially. I'm I'm 30, like I said, so in their 20s to early 30s, and these are like really good dudes, like they're reading, they're exercising. And I don't know if it's because we live in Tampa, so there's like a lot more um essentially incentive, right, to stay physically fit, right? So there's like right.

SPEAKER_00: 17:45

So I think guys are like from the beach, yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01: 17:48

Like they're they're strutting around with their shirts off, right? Like, I think there's a lot more incentive for guys to actually think a little bit more serious about their lives because I think you can very quickly see the guys who are taking themselves serious versus the guys who aren't. And so that makes me very positive about ooh, like this is a really good community of guys. Um, the other thing that I've recently gotten more involved with is my faith and going to church. And so I've met a lot of really good guys through the my church as well, and some of my other buddies who also go to church, and then they're like, hey, here are a couple of the guys we know. That also gives me a lot of hope for things, right? I I think the biggest challenge right now, or the biggest demographic, is really the guys who are the in between the ages of kind of the 18 to 22. That's a little bit of the sweet spot. Okay, and and I think it's the guys who who want to go to college and they try to go to college for the first semester-ish, and they're overwhelmed by the responsibilities, they miss home, and then they drop out, and then they label themselves as a failure, and then they basically find evidence as to why they're a failure. I think that's the guys who I want to get to them and be like, guys, you're not a failure. All right. You jumped into something that we were really never taught exactly how to do. And that's a lot of what we're trying to do now with be that guy is I want to partner with different universities and actually create essentially a club for guys on campus that helps them with discipline, accountability, and confidence so that we can like talk about these things, be like, listen, like it's gonna feel uncomfortable, it's gonna be wild that you can go into a dining hall and literally eat for two hours and then you realize why you're 15 pounds overweight in three and a half months. It's like I get it, right? Like, that's that's like we have to manage these things, and so that's really what I think the the community that I really want to start right focusing on is those guys who are who are a little overwhelmed with all the responsibilities and the freedom of college.

SPEAKER_00: 19:47

Definitely, yeah, Miss Tampa. We're excited to hear about what you're putting down roots or faith-wise. So we'll talk about that one offline. Okay, but when I started the podcast, and then at the near the end of the show, we're gonna talk all about DJ. Okay, cool. So that's when the coach on my side is gonna come out. We're gonna talk to you about you and kind of build some stuff there and see what happens. Uh, but in regards to the podcast, uh, we're both in podcasts, and I've been in for five years, not sure how long you've been doing it, but you're the host of Be That Guy podcast. Talk to us about who you're talking to. I know you're The men and women in their 20s and 30s, what are you unpacking? What kind of challenges are you seeing right there? For the for the for those that are actually watching our uh show today, www.behatguyclub.com is where you can find DJ's 13-week habit coaching programs on the screen and also inside the show notes. www.behatguyclub.com. All right, DJ, talk about the podcast. What kind of challenges are you seeing? Who are you talking to? What are you guys talking about? Unpack it for.

SPEAKER_01: 20:46

So I'll start with first the like the interview type of format that we do. So typically I'll interview guys and women in their 20s or early 30s. And typically when I'm talking to another guy, excuse me, we talk about the things that guys typically don't talk about. The things that are luring around in our mind that we say, I wonder if they think about that too, or if I'm just weird and broken. And so I like to have guys on the on the podcast who one, I typically have a previous relationship with, or I've I've talked to them before. And I know and I know that if I ask them questions about that, they're gonna go there, right? Because I want the guys who are listening to it to be like, wow, that guy who's in great shape, who seems to have his head on his shoulders, still struggles with confidence from time to time. Like, I think that's a really important thing for young men to see. Now, when I have women on the show, I switch the the narrative a little bit and I talk about like what are guys missing? Right. Like, as a woman, what are the things that you are looking for with us that we are right, that we are completely oblivious to, and even some of the things that we think you want that you really don't want. Um, so I you know it's funny. I I had somebody last week say, Are you a dating coach? And I said, I'm not a dating coach. I said, What I really am is I'm like a understanding human behavior type of coach, which I think naturally will start to happen with the dating world, right? Okay, fair. And I'm and I love like one of the things that I'm super interested in is just human attraction overall, right? Like, why do I like my friends? Why do I like that woman versus that woman? Right, like what is it about people that makes me want to be near them, right? And and understanding, hey, the way that they made me feel is really the way that I the reason that I want to be near them. And so a lot of those talks with the women, we talk about the emotional availability, we talk about the hard and the soft skills that some guys might be really good at, some guys might not be really good at. And some of the things that women really don't like, like the alphaness of us trying to show them how great we are, and really all that does the alphaness and all really all that does is wreak this insecurity of hey, I want to make sure that you know that I think I'm good enough for you, right? And it like psychologically puts us on this pedestal below them, right? And it's like all of these different psychological terms and things that we kind of talk about with uh when I'm ever talking to the woman to the women. And then I have a a format where it's just me on the podcast. And I actually started recording some episodes um last week. So we're actually dropping all the you know the start to 2026 in the next couple of weeks. Um, in the the solo episodes, I really, you know, you I've I've really tried to do a better job of this, is really just about me being super vulnerable. I I just I've just really kind of tear my heart out, and I'm like, listen, here's the things that I've struggled with, here's the things that worked, here's the thoughts that were going through my head. If you're a young guy listening to this, maybe you can relate and maybe you can feel less alone. And so those are some of the things that I talk about when it's just me. And occasionally, too, I'll have an episode where I'll talk to the parents and I'll kind of say, Hey, here's some of the things that I'm I'm learning with parents, here's some of the things that I'm learning with guys, here's some things that might be valuable to to test out. So that's kind of the way that I like to run the podcast.

SPEAKER_00: 24:09

Okay. Do you have any books that you or resources that you recommend for parents and guys to read that helps you out through what uh what you learned through the program? Any books or recommendations or resources?

SPEAKER_01: 24:19

The the number one book that I would recommend guys read and parents read too, uh, because I've had a lot of parents ask. So, like the first thing we do is reading in our in our um habit program. Week one, we install three sessions at two minutes, super, super small, right? Just to get guys in the habit of actually tracking. Okay. Um, but the book we read is The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. And right, one of it's a simple book to read, it's easy to read, yet it just it really highlights the how the little things add up. Um, and it's like one of my favorite examples is The Plane that changes the the degree, you know, that story, yes, right, one degree and then ends up, you know, 30 miles off course. And it's like, you know, that small change over a really long time was completely a different, you know, a different ending result. So that's the book that we start with. And I'd recommend any guy starting 2026 to to read the compound effect, and a parent can read the compound effect too. And you, one of the craziest things, I literally just shared this in my in my solo episode, which will be released probably in the next week or so. At the at the end of each month, we ask the guys, what's the biggest impact this work has had on you so far? So we I can kind of understand like what's really landing with the guys. Every single, every single guy has answered that question exactly the same, like almost word for word. Just like blew my mind when they said this. They said the biggest impact this work has on them is their ability to start and finish a book. And I was like, you guys are exercising four times a week, you guys got great jobs now, you're going to bed on time. I was like, that's the thing that's is sticking with me. And they said they said, Yeah, they go, I've tried to start books like all the time. And I think deep down, guys know that reading a book is a very healthy thing to do, right? Because it's it's stimulating your mind, it's helping with communication skills, you're not on your phone, yet they probably don't pick it more often than not, right? They probably jump on TikTok instead, right? Like, let's be honest here, unfortunately. So I think when you are in a group that says, Hey, you're gonna read for you know the three sessions for two minutes to start, then we go to five minutes, then we go to 10 minutes and 15, and then over the course of that month, by typically the end of the second month or so, these guys have finished the book. And they're like, What's the next book we read? Right. So now, so now they're just like kind of naturally in this belief that, hey, we're gonna start reading more books. Um, but I also think it's a metaphor for life, right? They started something and finished it, right? And I think that then gives them evidence that they can start things and continually push themselves through the journey of completing the thing and then actually completing the thing, and it builds more evidence that they can do that. So it's I'm why it was blew my mind when every guy has answered that question the the same way because it's a very tangible thing, too, which I think is cool. That's really incredible.

SPEAKER_00: 27:14

All right, and when did and when is your podcast air? Because I definitely want to support you when your stuff comes out. What what day do you normally air?

SPEAKER_01: 27:20

Do you have a set time and date as you air or you we typically I'll typically probably do about three episodes a month. I'll probably do like two solos and then one interview. Um, and they come out randomly, just kind of within the weeks. I I I try, I try, you know, it's funny when I used to so I've been doing podcasting for four about four years. I started like right at around like 2021, yeah, four to five years. And I remember initially I was like, I'm gonna do one a week, and and I was consistent with that for like three and a half years, like I was really good one a week. What I realized was sometimes the episodes I really didn't have a ton of juice to talk about something, like nothing was really top of mind. And I felt like I kind of pushed some episodes when I was like, you know, I'd rather just do maybe two or three a month that I really had something to talk about that had a little bit more value, right? Kind of like a better quality versus quantity. So and I just and I liked kind of relieving the pressure of like, hey, oh my gosh, it's Friday, I gotta get one out. So it just worked a little bit better for my schedule.

SPEAKER_00: 28:24

Yeah, you figured out something that people have been trying to figure out in podcasting for a while. I help them out with some of that stuff offline. I'm not a podcast consultant, but people are trying to make me one. And I give advice like that. I mean, if you like our our show, one of our shows, uh The Inspiration Station, it comes out when I'm inspired, man. I'm not trying to it's not every week, it's not every month, it's not twice a month, it's it's it's whenever I'm inspired. Sometimes I'm inspired, and you might see five or six in a month, or you might see two or three. So as long as people know how to find you, I think that's a good thing. We got one of our friends and brothers, he is a good friend of mine. I'm sure you know him too. Rory Parquet. He has several podcasts, but the power of man is the one I think people might know the most. He said so much power on this stage right now. Love you both, brothers.

SPEAKER_01: 29:11

Rory's a good man, Rory's a very good man.

SPEAKER_00: 29:14

Love you too, Rory. Yeah, absolutely, man. We got some good men in this community, man. I'm excited about you and him and so many others, man. So, all right, I'm gonna spend the rest of the time talking about DJ. So I want you to put your hat on right now. So he's coming out. I was letting you coach, but now we're gonna take a turn here. What's your personal definition of success? How would you define success?

SPEAKER_01: 30:27

I associate success with progress, and I think it's important to understand what progress looks like to you in in any given moment of your life. Um, I actually got that from Tony Robbins once. He was talking about, he said, What does everybody want in life? And everybody thought the answer was happiness, and he said, Wrong. He said, What you really want is you want progress, you want to feel like you're moving, moving towards something. And so I really define success as my belief that I'm making progress towards something. And so it might literally be like, Hey, it's really sunny out, and I want to go lay by the pool for 30 minutes. I'm making progress towards being more relaxed, right? So that's successful.

SPEAKER_00: 31:14

This is great.

SPEAKER_01: 31:15

Right, right. Like I'm being making more progress towards being relaxed. And then I could say, hey, it's uh right, I want to really, really lock in today and get some sales calls going or get some data going from some of our booked calls to understand some trends. I'm gonna make some progress with our the logistics of the business. That's success to me in that regard. So I think as long as I feel like I'm making progress, I'm being successful. Copy that. I love that.

SPEAKER_00: 31:42

Tell me what mentorship means to you.

SPEAKER_01: 31:47

Mentorship to me means believing somebody else can help you and being open-minded that one, you don't have all the answers, and two, there are parts of you that other people can see and you can't. And allowing them to ask you questions and poke at those places and being vulnerable enough to let them and and understand their feedback and one of the or accept their feedback, right? And realize that their feedback is not a jab at you, it's a collaborative effort to help you. Because I've had some feedback where it's like, I don't know if this guy even likes me right now. Like I think I feel like he's just attacking me like personally. And I had to really take a step back and just be like, this mentor, this coach who was who I was talking with, he wants the best for me, right? He isn't, he doesn't personally not like me, right? Like, let's listen to what this is and let's accept this feedback. And I think that's a really important part of success too and making that progress is the ability to take honest mentorship and coaching and realize that it's it's a collaborative approach, right? Like the people giving you the advice or the coaching of the mentorship, I'm assuming they want to see you succeed. Right. Like I'm very hard-pressed to think like a mentor would ever say, do this, like in the back of my head, like I really hope this guy fails. Right. Like they want this to be a collaborative success. So I think really mentorship is about you know taking that feedback, being vulnerable enough to ask for help, say, Hey, I could you I could use some help, like like how I meant I mentioned, you know, when my moment when Scott came up to me in that gym, and I was like, I'm a mess. Like, I could actually really use some mentorship and some coaching right now. And that changed literally the church trajectory of my life, right? So that's what I would say mentorship is.

SPEAKER_00: 33:47

Copy that. So on a scale of one to 10, 10 being the highs, of course, how do you rate your uh ability to receive mentorship to be open, to be vulnerable, like how you just described scale of one to 10 for DJ?

SPEAKER_01: 33:58

I would say it's it's pretty damn good. I would say it's about a nine. I'm I'm really open to change, and I'm really open to if somebody, you know, success leaves footprints, right? Or excuse me, success leaves clues, leaves footprints, right? Um, my my uncle used to say find the horse he's riding, which essentially is find what he's doing, and then you know, listen to him, copy what what he is essentially doing. So there's a lot of people who are a lot better than me at a lot of things. And you know, coaching and and growing a business is one of those areas that I know there are a lot of people better than me at. And I I actively try to be part of communities or or receive coaching or go, you know, seminars, courses to help me realize the things that I might not see and the things that I might not be doing in order to evolve into a more comprehensive man and and better coach. Love you guys.

SPEAKER_00: 34:56

What's one piece of advice you'd give to your younger self? What would you tell young DJ?

SPEAKER_01: 35:02

You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be all right. Uh the things you thought were the worst parts about you ended up becoming the best gifts you ever received.

SPEAKER_00: 35:16

I like it. Hardest leadership lesson that you had to learn to date. Hardest leadership lesson.

SPEAKER_01: 35:24

Sometimes when you think you're doing good, everybody else thinks you're doing bad. And the reason that I I say that is uh Darren Hardy actually, who who wrote uh compound effect, he has this course called The Hero's Journey. And it was a leadership and certification course that I I think it was just a leadership course that I took when I was probably 25, 26 years old. And one of the uh one of the modules was about essentially your perception of yourself and then your team's perception of yourself. And he wrote down, I think, all the things he thought he was doing great with. And then he asked his team, I think it was anonymous too, so then the people would be a little bit more open to it. He asked his team then to write, what are the things that I'm missing like totally? And what are the things that I'm like really struggling with, like personally? And they just I think like tore him apart. And like when he thought he was doing a really good job, he was like missing a lot of these things. And so one of the things that we did in our business, Scott and I, is we did this live example, and I was really nervous to actually do this because it was so vulnerable and it was so authentic. Uh, we did this exercise called a weed pulling exercise. And essentially what you do is you tell somebody, hey, when you do this, you make me feel this. So it doesn't necessarily mean you're doing this to hurt me, it's just the way that I'm perceiving it. So there might be some misalignment here. And we did this in uh for one of our clients actually in Rochester, New York, and we did it live. So Scott was literally like, I need you to pull a weed publicly in front of our client. And I was like, I'm so uncomfortable with that. And he's like, That's the point. He's like, This is how we show real leadership, right? This is how we show working through conflict, right? This is in the so I then he had, and then we've done some other stuff where he's had to pull weeds of mine, right? And so these were uncomfortable moments that we had to essentially talk about, and sometimes we did it privately, depending upon the the um tenderness of the thing, because we both kind of knew each other pretty well, and then there were some things where hey, let's make this one public so that we can we can help each other or we can help other people kind of do this too. Um, that's one of the things actually, it was kind of funny what when they that person called me a dating coach last week. Part of their uh forum is they have people who submit questions, and a lot of the questions were around conflict. Like, how do I deal with conflict in a relationship? And I was like, honestly, the weed pulling exercise is a great way to do it because you kind of separate yourself from the situation and you're like, hey, when you're doing this, here's what I feel. Doesn't necessarily mean it's you know you're attacking me, yet this is just my perception of the event, right? So it kind of like you know, it turns down the intensity of it and it allows you to actually talk through it a little bit easier.

SPEAKER_00: 38:29

I've got a few more questions. I'm trying to move these real quick and have you speak to the people. In the same vein of leadership, I'm a strong advocate of leadership, mentorship, coaching, those things mean the world to me. When did DJ realize that people were watching his life and not just his words? When did that light bulb go off? Like, wow, I'm in a leadership spot, I'm leading people, I'm influencing people when you figure that out.

SPEAKER_01: 38:54

Uh, so that's a great question. I think it came when I was a senior in college. I was the captain of my football team. And that was something that was really important to me. I I worked really hard to earn that uh recognition, whatever we want to call it. I was very honored and grateful to be to be a leader and a captain of that team. Um, one of the things that I struggled with was I actually got very emotional uh when I talked to the team just because I cared a lot about these guys. I cared a lot about our success on and off the field. And when I did that, uh it made me feel weak. It made me feel uncertain as a leader. I didn't like getting emotional in front of 180 guys. It was something I really tried to subdue and control, and I had a really hard time doing it. And so at my last game, I actually apologized to the guys and said, Hey, I'm I'm sorry that I got emotional up here. And their response changed my life forever. Uh, one, it it showed me the importance of vulnerability and connecting with other people and as a leader, showing them that you you're not always gonna have the answers, you're not always gonna be big, tough, and strong and smart. And we're gonna have some struggles along the way. And I think it's important to be human. Yet the second thing that it also showed me was the impact that I had had on the guys because of the vulnerability and the authenticity. I had guys basically stand up and say, hey, you know, don't apologize for that. That's the whole reason that we are better men, that's the whole reason that we were as successful as we were that this season. Um, that's the reason that you got you had such an impact on on me as a as a guy and as a as a human being. And I remember we played the game, and then at the end of that game, I had guys coming up to me, and they were uh essentially um grateful for for the impact and the words that I had shared with them that year. And I thought to myself, wow, like if I really speak from who I am and share the scars, share the the bruises, share the not so tough moments or not so tough thoughts, it actually shows leadership. It's it's almost like a paradox a little bit. So that was a big turning point in my uh leadership development.

SPEAKER_00: 40:56

Okay. All right. Last two questions. So describe an internal pressure that most folks don't know that you face.

SPEAKER_01: 41:06

The internal pressure that most folks don't know that I face is do people believe in this work as much as I I want them to? Um and is there actually something to what I'm doing? Sometimes I doubt the belief that people have in the work that I'm actually doing. And so then I then start to say, oh my gosh, am I am I not good enough? Am I chasing a you know a path that's never gonna actually amount to anything? Should I stop? Should I change the the direction of this? And I I sometimes just struggle with um the the deeper reasons as to why I do this. I sometimes don't think that I communicate it as as as effectively as I think I could. Um I think if people knew that I struggled with self-doubt, I still struggle with confidence at times, I still struggle with the belief that what I'm doing is going to work in my head and be successful to the visions that I believe. Um, I think people would realize that I'm just a human like them, right? I have plenty of flaws and insecurities. And on my podcast and in my content, I try to talk about a lot of that stuff. I try to be very honest with people. And to be honest, I'm I also talk about the things that I think I'm good at. I also talk about the things that like I worked really hard for and I'm not gonna apologize for, right? Right. And so I think there's a a good balance of of both of those.

SPEAKER_00: 42:39

Okay. Final question, let you speak to the people, let everybody know where they can find you. So, last question: what part of your character needed needed the most development before you step into this new season that you're in right now? What part of your character needed the most development?

SPEAKER_01: 42:53

I think the part of my character that needs the most development is holding expectations. And what I mean by that is if I have like a set of rules being super clear with what I'm expecting to do and what I'm essentially expecting to receive. I think sometimes I can fall into likership versus leadership, and I want people to like me instead of not like me. So it might be, and I got that term from my business partner because it's something that we're both trying to work on, and it's really about service, right? I know that I could say something right now that might piss somebody off, but it's really what they need to hear, right? Or I could turn it back a little bit and say what they might want to hear, yet they're not gonna fully change and get the message that they need. Like I'll give you an example. Last night, a young man was really struggling to hit his bedtime goal. He's trying to go to bed at 11 p.m. and he was struggling because he was playing video games late at night. And so I said, You do you really want to break this and you really want to go to bed on time? And he's like, Yeah, I do. I said, Then take the video games out of your room, give them to your mom, and tell her to hide them. And he just stood there, he sat there on the and I and I knew he wasn't gonna like it because he really liked him. And I said, Seriously, if you really want to break this, that's what you do. Completely change the environment. And so he was like, I don't want to do that. And I'm like, then you can keep sleeping in and screwing up your next day and then being pissed at yourself that you're not following through in your commitments. I said, It's up to you. And so he's like, whatever. And he's like, I'll remove the video games. So literally, I text him today. I said, How did you do? He said, I took the video games out, I gave them to my mom. I went to bed at 11, I woke up at seven, just got a great workout, and he's like, I'm I'm fantastic right now. I'm like perfect, right? So, like, that's an example of me trying to be a little bit more stern, right? In a in a uh kind way.

SPEAKER_00: 44:50

All right, I want to first off, thanks for jumping in here, DJ. The conversation that we've had offline before we got here have been good. I fully expect we're gonna stay with each other. First off, because I love Tampa. That's our kind of our little mini hometown. So we love the place, and I'm finding excuses to get back out there any chance I get. So 2026, I'm earmarking that place for a visit. But excited about that. I think we want to support you and your uh Be That Guy podcast. You gotta keep me in the loop on what you're doing, what's going out. Uh, help you promote it and jump in the comment section and root for your brother and help you get eyes on it because I think what you're doing is valuable. Uh, take the next seconds to my pleasure, man. Take the next six seconds to talk about what it means to be a good man and speak to the people who need to hear that, whether it's the men that need to be good men or the women who are looking for good men. About the good man, the whole good man is hard to find ideology. Take about the next two minutes that you can do that in two minutes.

SPEAKER_01: 45:49

So I believe that the the key to being a good man today is the mastering of the hard and soft skills of life. I think we need to. There's this great book I'm reading right now. It's uh by Jason Wilson called uh The Man the Moment Demands. And it's about adapting to the moment, right? Right now, I might need some hard skills, I might need to be a little intense, I might need to be really disciplined. That negative self-talk in my head, I might need to listen to it to get my out of bed, right? To to trigger me to go into a positive action. And so adapting that behavior then to a soft skill when your buddy just broke up with his girlfriend and he doesn't need you to say, hey, quit being a softy and get back out there. He needs you to give him a hug and say, How you doing, bro? Right. I'm here. Let's let's go grab, let's go for a walk, let's go for a run. And uh I just, you know, I want you to talk and I'm gonna listen. Right. Understanding when you need to switch that. And so I believe that women are looking for men who have that integration of both the hard and the soft skills. I say, you know, women don't want you to share every thought and every emotion that ever comes into your head and you're crying on your shoulder all day, yet they also don't want you living in a cave, not telling them anything. There needs to be an integration of both. And so I think that's what it truly means to be a good man. Um, be a good man, not only to yourself, yet also to your family, your kids, your loved ones, and your community, and the people who you've been honored and blessed with to serve. So master those hard and soft skills.

SPEAKER_00: 47:17

I love that. DJ Legori, host of Be That Guy Podcast and the Be That Guy coaching program. 13 weeks habit coaching. The man sound like he knows what he's doing, and he has a heart for the people, man. So definitely check out his work, www.behatguyclub.com. Of course, you reference this episode for any show notes and links to his program. So thanks again for jumping in here, brother. This has been a fantastic opportunity to chat with you. Finally, it took a while for us to get here, but we're finally here. I meant every word I said to you on the air, it's live. I can't take it back. It's it's it's gonna happen, brother. But thanks again for doing this. That's DJ Ligori. I'm Mr. U. We're on one-on-one with Mr. U, and we are out of here. Have a fantastic day, and thanks again for checking out DJ and this show.