One on One with Mista Yu

Scott LaPierre - Faith, Family, and the Cost of Wisdom in a Christian Marriage

• Mista Yu

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A pastor, author, and father of eleven shares how grief led him to faith, why he pairs wisdom with trust, and what actually helps marriages thrive. We talk candidly about medical limits, leadership at home, handling trials, and the kind of encouragement that changes a family.

• Northern California roots and conversion after brother’s overdose
• From teaching and coaching to pastoral ministry
• Realities of parenting and homeschooling eleven children
• Medical risk, thin uterine wall, choosing a permanent stop
• Faith and wisdom as twin guides for family decisions
• Regret around family size and compassionate counsel
• Marriage conferences: avoiding public shaming, focusing on self-change
• Why husbands struggle to lead and how wives can encourage
• Personal growth in patience and gentleness
• Trials as the true measure of mature faith
• Clear gospel invitation and hope in Christ

You want to get a shout-out on our show, or you want to chime in on what you heard from this episode or learning about Pastor Scott, text me at 904-867-4466, 904-867-4466, and I'll share it on the next upcoming episode


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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome back to one welcome, Mr. U. Of course. I'm your host, Mr. U in studio with us, author, conference speaker, the teaching pastor at Woodland Christian Church in Woodland, Washington, Scott Lapierre's in the house. Scott, how are you, man?

SPEAKER_02:

I'm doing well. Thanks for having me here. Glad to be with you.

SPEAKER_00:

Same here, brother. Same here. All right. We had a bit of a brief pre-interview chat, man, but I'm excited to hear more of your story. Customarily, we have uh guests come in and share about their childhood and upbringing from the outset. But before you do that, let you guys know that if you're interested in asking Scott a question or asking a question of me, drop it in a live chat. We're happy to answer those on air while we're here. This is a live episode, by the way. Of course, if you have a question for me outside of this, with just regarding coaching or anything else we're doing in ministry, that QR code in the upper right-hand corner. I think it's in the upper right-hand corner on your screen, how you see it. In the upper right-hand corner, you daddy reach out to me uh after the show, be happy to chat with you. All right, Scott, so go ahead and share about your upbringing and childhood. Who's Scott?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so I grew up in Northern California. Just my brother and I grew up in a pretty stable religious household. We were uh I was raised Catholic. I wasn't a Christian at the time. And I went through ROTC, got an ROTC scholarship to be an army officer, and then after that, I became an elementary school teacher and coach. And that's when I became a Christian, heard the gospel for the first time. My brother actually died of a drug overdose. We were about 14 months apart. And the school teachers with me heard what happened to my brother and invited me to their church to talk to their pastor who'd who'd lost his brother when he was about my age. And so they said, Hey, you got to come to our church, talk to talk to our pastor. And so I didn't go there to be saved or born again or anything like that. I just went there to talk to this guy because I was struggling. And so went there and it was a Calvary chapel and heard the gospel for the first time and it bore witness. And and I kept teaching for a few more years, but then really wanted to be in ministry. And uh my wife and I grew up together in Northern California. We just had our 11th, had just had our 11th child about two months ago.

SPEAKER_00:

We're gonna talk about that part. So wow, congrats, brother. 11 children. I'm also going ahead and swing at it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, you you're surprised, yeah, you're surprised, and that makes two of us.

SPEAKER_00:

So, you know, most I don't know how it happened. I think I think I'm more gonna know what is life like. I'm now my wife, I think I told you this off aid, my wife is as young as 13. So I I know kind of what it looks like at the breakfast table and the dinner table for that matter, but how is it for you as a parent to be a parent of 11 children? I mean, doing all the things that they need extracurricular stuff at the school, helping them with their homework. How are you managing that with 11 children? Is my is my main question here, man?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so I think I think a lot of people that have a lot of kids, you know, uh might have it figured out. We don't. We're taking it day by day, and you know, we have some teenagers and trying to figure out what it's like with teenagers while we have younger, younger children. So we homeschool, we try to Christian school, but it's kind of expensive and a bit of a distance away for us. And so we're I have a lot of flexibility with my job, and I'm in my home office now. So sometimes kids come out here for schoolwork. We have some kids that do some sports, but we don't really have the bandwidth to have a lot of kids in a lot of sports, so we kind of let them, you know, choose one sport to do. And our kids do a lot of you know, pretty good amount of music, guitar, piano, uh, harmonica, and and so yeah, we stay pretty busy. Our house is pretty wild, it's not the most organized structured place. And so we're we're trying to thrive, you know, in a chaotic environment. But we feel really blessed, Mr. U, and we are thankful for what God's done for us. And uh people say, Oh man, you must have wanted to have a lot of kids, and that that wasn't, I don't I don't really like that language because it almost sounds like you know, the the reality is we were just trying to let God be in control, and it could have been four, five, seven. We just want to get to the end of our lives and kind of have God's fingerprints on our family, you know, and so it's it's 11. I'm 40, gonna be 48, 47 now. My wife's uh coming up on okay. Thanks. So yeah, my wife's my wife's uh a few years behind me, but so we've we've kind of thought for the last few kids that that was gonna be it, but God God kept giving us more.

SPEAKER_00:

So I hate to be the one that asked this question, hoping when your wife hits it, she doesn't uh hate hate me right away. But are you guys done with this process? Or are we what's the Lord saying about this?

SPEAKER_02:

Are you you know you asked me directly, and a lot of people don't know this, but because we haven't really announced it, but you asked, and and I'll tell you. So my wife's last pregnancy, she really wasn't supposed to get pregnant. I mean, I don't know how how graphic to be, but you know how okay, she had some really serious uh uterine issues, like the uterine wall was incredibly thin. So what happened was they told us the doctors, uh, and we have a sometimes hospitals don't always have the most favorable view of children. They kind of act like if you're in your mid-30s, you're geriatric. You know, they act like if you're in your mid-30s, don't have any kids, you're not gonna make it. And so we're not trying to follow the world's wisdom and we're we're trying to balance this against God's word and trust him. But we had a midwife who's a who's a strong Christian, and she said, you know, your wife's uterine wall is very thin. If that's to tear, then that she could, there could be some pretty serious hemorrhaging. It could you could lose the baby, lose you lose even your wife. And so she said, and the the hospital said this too, you need to wait two years before you have another child. Well, we we got pregnant in one year. So that was uh yeah, and so that was with our last one, number 11. And we we kind of told the church, even that's our our family, and they all prayed for us. And I it was uh it was a bitter, I don't want to say bittersweet, but it's it's a unique moment in life because every time God blessed us with a child, we feel thankful, but it was also very concerning, and so there was a a bit of uh fear, even, you know, associated with this this gift and this blessing. But Katie did really well. It ended up being another C-section, which is why her uterine wall was so thin. And they said, hey, it's this thing's like transparent. I mean, we can see through it. You can't really have another child. And so that's so my wife had her tubes tied, so now we actually know that we're we're done here. And I never really thought we would do that. I thought we were always just gonna leave this up to the Lord. But I I tell people often, Mr. U, that that the Christian life is the path of faith and wisdom. And what I mean by that, and I'll just give an example. If a guy said, you know, I don't put my seatbelt on because I have so much faith, well, that's faith, but that's not wise, right? Or if someone said, Well, I'm I'm just I want a job, you know, I just sit at home, I don't even have to go look for a job because I trust God to give me one. Well, that's you know, that's that's faith, but that's not wisdom. So uh being and wisdom without faith is just being very pragmatic, you know, just looking at things very practically. So really the Christian life has to be the path of faith and wisdom. And so we have we've walked the path of faith and just trusting the Lord to provide for us as on a, you know, I was an elementary school teacher and then a pastor, and neither of these occupations pay a lot of money. Nobody, nobody said you know, yeah. So I never we we've and God has provided for us. So we have walked by faith. But when I thought that, you know, my wife's health was in danger, and I I kind of I went to get counsel for from some guys who also and I talked to this guy, a good friend of mine, one of the deacons in the church, Dave Zumstein, that has 12 kids. And because he has a high view of children, I wanted to know his thoughts. And he said, Hey, this is your wife's life. So you really ought to, you know, you're the leader of your home. We have a strong view of male headship and husbands being spiritual leaders in the home. But in this situation, it's my wife's life, it's not mine. And so he said, You ought to see what she thinks, how she feels. And I went to talk to her and I said, What are your what are your thoughts about this? I mean, you're the one who's at high risk here. And she said, I'm I'm I don't want to risk this again. You know, we we God protected us with number 11, but we don't want to like test him here. And so we were almost surprised that we had number 11 without any issues, but then her uterine wall got even thinner. And when they did that c-section and they went in there and told us, because the doctors don't really know, they can guess, but when they go in there for a c-section, they see it's all open before them, and they're like, You you can't get pregnant again, or this is gonna tear open, you know. So so that's where we're at. Might have been might have been more than you want to know.

SPEAKER_00:

No, it's okay. Congratulations on having a beautiful family. I'm glad that uh Katie is well and everybody's doing okay. Uh that's a great testimonial. Thank you. And you if if in in in hindsight, looking back, and I I I'm kind of getting derailed a little bit because I want to go some other places, but here we are. It's all it's all great. Uh, when you look back, you just could you detect a moment in time or a thing that you feel like was designed to stop you, but it couldn't stop you.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, you know what I'd say that's really kind of saddened to me is we have some couples in the church that really want to have children, and I don't know why they can't, and that grieves me. And my wife's always gotten pregnant so easily. We've had a few miscarriages there really early, I think, you know, three, maybe four, and they happen again, they they were happened earlier. And so, you know, I guess I would say God is sovereign over life. And so that's why I wanted to leave this up to him because we always thought God's given women a window. It's about 20 years, you know, that a woman can have children. And some sometimes people fear like, oh, you know, we're gonna have t all these children, but God's put a boundary on it. And I'll and I'll tell you something just while we're talking, Mr. You. I do marriage conferences across the country. I talk to people as a pastor, and one of the biggest, saddest regrets people experience is I wish I would have had more children. I hear that from people, and it's it's kind of heartbreaking because you can't do anything about it. I'll be I'll be sitting with a woman. It's often, often it's a woman, but sometimes it's a man, and they've already taken steps to prevent having more children. And or maybe they've just reached an age where they also couldn't couldn't have children, and then they say, you know, we really we wish we would have had more. And I'm a pastor, I like to help people, I like to see people be blessed. And so I don't when I talk about children, I don't talk about children to condemn people. It's not like, oh, if you don't have some people kind of feel like you better have a bunch, you know, we're not like part of the quiverful movement. I've heard people assign that to us. That's not that's what's that? I don't know what that is. Okay, it's it's based on Psalm 127 that blessings I love the scripture, but yeah. I think I'm fine.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I'm followed.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and so like you're almost uh you must, as a Christian, like have as many children as possible or something. That's not our mentality. And so some people, if I talk about children, they might feel like, oh, you're trying to condemn them. I'm not trying to condemn them, I'm trying to help them avoid regret. Like if I talk about children and the blessing they are, I just don't want people to reach the end of their lives or some point and look back and wish they'd have done things differently. You know, we we always, as pastors, we want to help people avoid regret, whether it's with finances, marriage, um, children, and so uh spiritually with their relationship with the Lord. And so that's just one way that I one area I've really seen a lot of regret with people.

SPEAKER_00:

I totally understand that. Now in doing these marriage conferences, I can only imagine the things that you see. I've I've done probably enough to kind of one hand that had fingers left over. What's the most surprising instance you've seen at a marriage conference? Well, before I it was without naming names and sharing specific situations, of course.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep, sure. So so it was actually my the first marriage message that I ever taught. So even before my marriage conferences started, and this is even before I knew that I was gonna have a marriage ministry, I hadn't even written my marriage book yet, but I was teaching on marriage in this interactive environment, and this so people could raise their hands, ask questions. Now I don't allow that in my conferences until at the very end there's a QA. And so, because I got I have material I need to get through, I gotta get through all this content. But the other reason is if you let people raise their hand and start asking questions, then something like this can happen. So apparently, when I was talking about husbands loving their wives, there's this woman sitting there who's becoming angrier and angrier that her husband is not more like, you know, doesn't love her more like Christ loves the church. So she raises her hand, she stands up, I'm expecting a question, just like everyone else has been doing, and she just starts berating her husband in front of everyone. And she's trashing him about how horrible of a husband he is. And I was just so shocked by by what happened that I handled it very poorly. You know, I could have said something like, Hey, let's pray for this couple, or can we talk after the message, or why don't we meet sometime this week in my office for some counseling? But instead, I was just like so shocked. I I didn't say anything, and this woman just kept going like that. And so one of the things I noticed is that God's word sets an incredibly high standard for husbands and wives. I mean, you no husband can feel like he has arrived when the when the standard is Christ Himself, and that's what it says, Ephesians 5.25. Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. So, and then wives are commanded to submit to their husbands. Uh, there that there's qualifications on that, a wife doesn't submit to sin or abuse, but it's people don't like to talk about that command, but it's repeated in scripture. It's uh pretty clear that's what is said to wives. And so when uh when husbands are listening to all the stuff that's said to women, to wives, or wives are listening to all the stuff that's said to husbands, I mean, in marriage conference at my marriage conferences or whenever marriage is being taught, there's a lot of potential for people to become upset that their spouse is not more like God's word says that that person should be. So I always I actually started doing my marriage conferences differently to tell people, hey, look, I'm not trying to start World War III here in your marriage, I'm trying to help strengthen your marriage. So you need to be focusing on yourself and your weaknesses versus getting upset at your husband or wife.

SPEAKER_00:

I want you to answer a question for me. Uh well before you do that, I want to invite anybody who's watching or listening to it. If you don't if you listen, you can't see what I'm getting ready to share with you. So I'll tell you about it. You want to get a shout-out on our show, or you want to chime in on what you heard from this episode or learning about Pastor Scott, text me at 904-867-4466, 904-867-4466, and I'll share it on the next upcoming episode.

unknown:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00:

Drop your name in the city you're calling from or texting from. So here's my question for you, Pastor Scott. When you look at through the lens of a marriage ministry, uh what do you think? Uh one point do you think that husbands and wives uh get wrong the majority of the time? I'm asking this because I want people who are listening who are not believers to kind of uh get the big picture and kind of share for I don't know how many, I know I've been trying to share this for like three decades now of ministry, that uh uh Christian households are not that much different than non-Christian households in certain regards. I want it to be glamorized, like, oh, it's a different we just we just flowing in Jesus all the time. No, this stuff is going on here. What would you say is one area for the husbands and one area for the wives that we just seem to get wrong the majority of the time. They use notice from your experience.

unknown:

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, that's that's a really good question. And uh it the answer comes comes pretty quickly to me. So God has called husbands to be spiritual leaders in the home and or the calls the language as head of the relationship. And that doesn't mean you're a dictator or authoritative or you you you know make all the decisions and never listen to your wife. It it means you pray with your family, you read the word with your family. And so you are not just like a Christian or not just a Christian family on Sunday, you're also striving to follow Christ throughout the week. But I think there are a lot of Christian families that might not look much different throughout the week than unbelieving families. And so now the and the other aspect, the thing for wives that I don't think many of them understand is the great influence a woman has on her husband to encourage or discourage him. So what I mean is a lot of guys are listening to this and maybe they're convicted and about not praying with their family or reading the word with their family, the Bible with their family like they should. And but a man is afraid to do that. You know, what if I don't know what to say? What if I don't sound like my pastor at church? What if I don't sound like that guy in the radio? And men have this fear. And so if a wife says things like, you know, why did you say that, or you don't know what you're talking about, or why are we reading this passage, or you didn't pronounce that name correctly, or that's not what my pastor at church says, I don't think women understand just how hurtful, discouraging those sorts of statements are. And so I'll uh women, women regularly come up to me. And, you know, it's interesting because the command for wives to submit to their husbands gets so much attention, you'd almost think that women would be furious about having to submit, but I don't I don't hear that complaint a lot. What I hear more often is kind of the opposite. Why doesn't my husband lead? I wish my husband would be a leader in our home. But a lot of these women don't understand how important their encouragement is to their husband's leadership. So what I mean mean by that is if if you want your husband to pray and read the word with his family, you need to encourage him. You know, you need if he prays, and I don't care if he fumbles every word, I don't care if he reads the Bible and and all he does is just read the verses and doesn't even offer a lot of commentary. I mean, you still thank him for being a godly man, look him in the eyes, encourage him, and and praise the Lord for having a man that'll open the Bible with his family, because that's pretty rare for men to do that today.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely. Outside of this of the uh account that you share regarding you and your wife, is there an unexpected discovery you learned about yourself through the trials that you went through?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I'm I've realized I'm a lot more intense and aggressive than I thought I was. It took me, I'm definitely not a very patient person. You know, there is even one time my wife recorded me and she played it back for me, and I was just like, I was shocked. I did not think I looked that intense, you know, because I'll have meetings or uh even family Bible studies, and Katie's like, hey, this is family Bible study. You know, you don't have to be that intense or that aggressive, and you don't have to be upset that our our child lost their spot or something like that. And so I just didn't realize I just didn't realize I was so much like that. My wife, I've had meetings with people in the church, and I thought the meeting went well, and then come to find out later I was too intense or aggressive, and so that's definitely something having a lot of kids and being married has shown me about myself that I need I need to grow in gentleness and patience.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that is awesome. That the transparency there, because I have to commate to some aspects of that. So I won't ask you half of the questions I want to ask you because you already answered, I'm pretty sure. But what do you love about Scott?

SPEAKER_02:

What do I love about myself?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I love that in my early 20s, when my brother died of a drug overdose, that God brought me to a church where I heard the gospel, and I love that uh Christ's righteousness has been imputed to me and my unrighteousness has been imputed to him. And I love that Scott is born again and is going to spend eternity with the Lord. And I love that uh, you know, Scott has been called to pastor because that's one of the joys of my life. And I love that God lets me preach his word for a living, do interviews like this, and meet meet people like you and share biblical truths with uh with your listeners, and and I love that God's blessed me with a family. I mean, I'm I'm not a financially rich person, but I feel very rich in uh spiritually speaking because of the blessings God's given me in my family and with my church.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, most of the displayed in different ways in scripture. So that's you're definitely a very, very wealthy man. I commend you, brother. What's your greatest lesson on sonship that you personally learned?

SPEAKER_02:

Sonship like being one of God's sons, or like one of my physical sons and what I learned from them or something.

SPEAKER_00:

Reformer.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I think when I real early in my Christian life, I thought certain things were impressive that you know, I don't even want to mention them, but I'll tell I'll because I'll shorten this up. I have recognized that the way people respond to trials and the way that we bear up under trials is one of the most uh impressive and greatest revelations of our relationship with the Lord. And I'll I'll tell here's what I mean by that. Maybe I used to think it'd be impressive to get up and preach to thousands of people. What I think is impressive now is when I meet someone who's dying of cancer and they still have a deep faith in Christ. So there's a gentleman in our church who was dying of cancer. I was, I was with him when he when he passed away, and I had visited him. His name's Dick Moss, just a great encouraging guy. And when I go visit him and he's on a mattress in his living room and he can barely move and he's in considerable pain, but he's thinking about how he can share the gospel with his neighbors. Um, to me, people that can handle trials well like him is about as impressive. They're gonna have great rewards in heaven. I mean, if it's missionaries in third world countries who are suffering and struggling, but they're still content and they're still filled with joy, that's something I did not realize early in my Christian life. Just how impressive it is to be able to handle trials well or handle trials joyfully.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I love that. I love that. Before I ask the last question of the episode, everybody know how they can reach you. If you listen, you can't see this, so just hear me on this one. But the website is www.scotlapier.org. Give seven biblical insights for healthy Christ-centered marriages. You can see this episode, you can tell he's he's been through a lot of things and he understands a lot of the uh nuances and insights regarding Christian marriage. So definitely want to tune to that, but www.scotlapier.org. All right, so last question, it's our CMV question. Everybody, every one of our guests gets this one. Theoretically, I'd take all the things that you've done, hobby-wise, mission, vocation, career off the table for a moment. Now, to diminish your accomplishments because those are all important accolades, you do you got a lot of important work out here in this world. I commend you for doing that as well. But temporarily, just want to remove it for right now. What do you think Scott's doing right now today, outside of the things that you have been doing so far? What do you think Scott's doing?

SPEAKER_02:

I I'd probably be an elementary school teacher again. I liked liked being with kids, working with kids, coaching. Yeah. So if I wasn't, if you took all the ministry and you took everything else away, I'd probably be back teaching and coaching. It was a it was a if God hadn't called me into ministry, I think I would have done that pretty contentedly for the rest of my life. So it was a joy for me.

SPEAKER_00:

If you'd have done that even with the uh changes in the in this in the way the school system is being run and the the pay, would that have deterred you from doing that, or would you have done it regardless?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh I don't know if the pay would have discouraged me. I hope not. I hope I wouldn't make mate too many major decisions based on financial reasons, but you did bring up a good point that I hadn't thought about because it's been almost 20 years since I've been in the classroom and things have changed. And I don't know if I could have been in a public I don't know if I could have been in a public school calling boys girls and referring to girls as boys or trans transgenderism. You know, I couldn't have couldn't teach the homosexuality and some of the other things that teachers have to go through today. And uh, you know, some of the um social justice stuff that would have been a little too little too frustrating for me, I think.

SPEAKER_00:

Totally understand that my friend football talk would both give us a little shout-out. Thanks for listening, brother. Appreciate you so much. So for those that are watching and listening, this episode is live, so it's gonna be on any social media platform with the exception of a couple, I believe Instagram and TikTok. Uh I'll have them up uh within next uh two hours or so. All listening platforms to have this within the hour. Any closing thoughts, Scott, before we close out, man? The floor is yours. We've got the next two minutes, brother.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, well, if you mentioned earlier some of your listeners maybe not being believers, and I appreciate your ministry to them. I appreciate that you have them in mind and that you're aware that it'd be a little naive to think that every single one of your listeners is a Christian. It's kind of the same for me. We have different, we both have platforms, and they're they're a little different. But you know, I'm I'm standing up behind the pulpit preaching to a group of people every Sunday, and it'd kind of be naive for me to think that every one of them is a Christian, just like you you pointed out that all your listeners are probably not Christians. And so you know of anything or everything that I said today, I hope some of it or much of it even would be beneficial to your listeners. But if there's just one final thing I'd say is, you know, God created us, he wants a relationship with us, we have uh purpose, value, and we have a relationship with God the Father through his son Jesus Christ. And if anyone doesn't know God the Father through his son Jesus Christ, then I would encourage them to get that right. And it happens by simple belief that God gave his son to take the punishment for us for our sins, uh, the punishment that we deserve. And so uh in the language of John 3.16, right, whosoever will believe and uh that God sent his son will have everlasting life. And so I'd if any listeners haven't repented and put their faith in Christ, then uh you know today should be the day of salvation for them.

SPEAKER_00:

So much, sir. If anybody wants to make uh uh just some comments regarding this episode, or you want to reach out to me regarding coaching, podcasting, or anything that you know I'm already involved in, you are code back in the upper right hand corner. By all means, please reach out. Love to hear from you soon. That's Scott. God bless you.

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